Amazed and touched. That’s how I feel after watching the reality show I’ve been hearing about for months and but never felt like giving it a chance. It is actually really meaningful and these people reflect the majority of our society in a believable way that makes me want to shed a tear. No, really, I am about to cry right now because the cult film Idiocracy has never been closer to becoming reality.
It’s about a house full of Guidos, which means they’re Italian or something even though they all have a very convincing American accent. Well, at least they’re good at something, right?
I don’t think I’d be able to tell them apart, so apt they’re at disguising themselves as mindless clones that simply must have been produced in a factory in Fake Italy. I believe Fake Italy is geographically shaped like a thong. Or a tan bed. Speaking of… What the hell is up with that?
There’s an over-abundance of tanned douche-bags in Jersey Shore, if you’re into that kind of thing. Apparently, one of them called Snooki is some kind of celebrity because she can’t keep her tiny hands off the booze bottles. And jell-o shots. But I am proud our society is so accepting of people who have been growth challenged. Good for her!
But let me use a quote worthy of Sophocles himself. “It takes me about 25 minutes to do my hair,” says Pauly D, whose name strangely reminds me of a green parrot. And I have to say that I applaud his genuine effort of spending 25 minutes on creating the glorious hair-helmet that strongly resembles a bowl.
It’s a sight to behold and all the scientists should herd in on the opportunity to examine the fact that the hair seems to be defying gravity. We should all look up to his inspiring self-confidence and ability to make a joke out of himself. Not everyone has the guts to go out looking like an asshole.
Here’s another gem: “My abs are so ripped up it’s called ‘the situation,’” claims Mike aka The Situation. Now, what more there is to say to that? It simply speaks for itself. So many layers, this man has. He’s like a human onion.
But let’s not forget the female residents. Apparently, one of them is ‘the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet’. I might be wrong (no, I’m not) but isn’t that kind of an oxymoron? Or maybe I should just omit the ‘oxy’ in the word. Well, in their own words, the Jersey Shore women are classy because they have been living with the men for two whole days (TWO!!! That’s like a whole eternity, people!) and they haven’t had sex with them yet. Classy indeed.
Upon seeing this spectacular reality show, I have decided I’m never watching another episode again. I value my grey matter too much.
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