Random Rant #1: Being Single

Today, someone asked me, “When are you going to get a boyfriend?” I could write up a list of the reasons this question irritated the hell out of me. And if I knew that person well enough to give them my honest reply, I would have.

Why do people automatically assume anyone single is in desperate need of terminating this status? Someone should yank those rose tinted goggles off their eyes. Heaven forbid a single person could actually be happy being single rather than sit home and wallow in their un-relationship induced depression.

Some people mistakenly assume that only those in relationships can be happy. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t happiness achieved with much more difficulty if you have happiness of someone else in your hands as well as your own?

So yeah, instead of skimpily weaving my way through alcohol induced party goers to snatch someone up, I’d rather go do work experience in a magazine or go out with my friends to have coffee. Perhaps have fun at a rock concert.

The idea of my future isn’t built upon slapping the shackles of marriage on a man and settling down with the house with picket fence and 2.5 children screaming my ears off. Instead I’d like to realize my own dreams, so I’d trade the hunt for a boyfriend for spending the night at home working on a novel any day of the week.

Sure it would be nice to share things with someone, but I resent the assumption I should have to. In my eyes, the social norm divides single women into two categories:

1) A woman is single just because she’s in between relationships and is desperate to rectify this asap.

2) She is a workaholic, ice-hearted bitch and her only goal is to climb up the success ladder.

The stigma of labeling and the social presumptions are something that makes me scoff unlike anything else. Am I single? Yes. Does that make me either of those two things? No. It just means I like the freedom of being on my own. Did I make anyone gasp at this startling revelation? I hope not.

If I happen to meet someone that matches my world views and interests, that’s great. I wouldn’t say no to such a fine specimen. If not, I’m not going to cry about it and put my best female friend as my ‘fiancée’ on Facebook just because I’m too insecure to admit I’m single. That sure is my personal pet peeve.

Do you agree or disagree? Let me know.

Five Things to Love About Sucker Punch

1. Hot Chicks: Yes, as a woman even I can agree that women in this movie were hot. Something guys might appreciate, unless they are gay or prefer substantial plot. And while I’m sure there are many hard core feminists out there dissing this movie, saying it’s objectifying women, I’m just going to say ‘chill out’. Not everything has to be about the war of genders and their portrayal in popular culture. I’m certainly guilty of supporting gorgeous half naked men in not finding the rest of their clothes.

2. Special Effects: I saw Sucker Punch at a cinema and I have to say, I really enjoyed the special effects on the big screen, especially because they reminded me so much of the Japanese animations or video games such as Final Fantasy. True, you knew the moment they were going to pop up, but they were amazingly done nonetheless.

3. Slow Motion Scenes: A definite trademark of the director Zack Snyder, who likes to pump up the drama with some well-placed slow motion. You could see it in Watchmen too. Perhaps it is not the most original concept but it works here quite well.

4. Plot: Yes, there is one, despite what most critics have to say about the movie. I actually liked the storyline and the various realities melding together to culminate to a senseful (I made up the word, deal with it) finale. Escape plan, child abuse and creepy asylum lobotomies, you’ll understand what really happened in the end.

5. Twist: The ending wasn’t quite as predictable so that’s a positive point for me. I hate the movies where I know from the beginning how it’s going to end more than I hate clichéd ends. Although come to think of it, the two usually go hand in hand.

Jersey Shore: The Gem of Postmodern Era

Amazed and touched. That’s how I feel after watching the reality show I’ve been hearing about for months and but never felt like giving it a chance. It is actually really meaningful and these people reflect the majority of our society in a believable way that makes me want to shed a tear. No, really, I am about to cry right now because the cult film Idiocracy has never been closer to becoming reality.

It’s about a house full of Guidos, which means they’re Italian or something even though they all have a very convincing American accent. Well, at least they’re good at something, right?

I don’t think I’d be able to tell them apart, so apt they’re at disguising themselves as mindless clones that simply must have been produced in a factory in Fake Italy. I believe Fake Italy is geographically shaped like a thong. Or a tan bed. Speaking of… What the hell is up with that?

There’s an over-abundance of tanned douche-bags in Jersey Shore, if you’re into that kind of thing. Apparently, one of them called Snooki is some kind of celebrity because she can’t keep her tiny hands off the booze bottles. And jell-o shots. But I am proud our society is so accepting of people who have been growth challenged. Good for her!

But let me use a quote worthy of Sophocles himself. “It takes me about 25 minutes to do my hair,” says Pauly D, whose name strangely reminds me of a green parrot. And I have to say that I applaud his genuine effort of spending 25 minutes on creating the glorious hair-helmet that strongly resembles a bowl.

It’s a sight to behold and all the scientists should herd in on the opportunity to examine the fact that the hair seems to be defying gravity. We should all look up to his inspiring self-confidence and ability to make a joke out of himself. Not everyone has the guts to go out looking like an asshole.

Here’s another gem: “My abs are so ripped up it’s called ‘the situation,’” claims Mike aka The Situation. Now, what more there is to say to that? It simply speaks for itself. So many layers, this man has. He’s like a human onion.

But let’s not forget the female residents. Apparently, one of them is ‘the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet’. I might be wrong (no, I’m not) but isn’t that kind of an oxymoron? Or maybe I should just omit the ‘oxy’ in the word. Well, in their own words, the Jersey Shore women are classy because they have been living with the men for two whole days (TWO!!! That’s like a whole eternity, people!) and they haven’t had sex with them yet. Classy indeed.

Upon seeing this spectacular reality show, I have decided I’m never watching another episode again. I value my grey matter too much.

127 Hours

Directed by Slumdog Millionaire’s Danny Boyle, 127 Hours is a movie full of gut wrenching, awe inspiring true story made flesh. 127 hours is how long it took the real Aron Ralston to save his own life. By cutting off his arm.

James Franco, whom I fell in love with after seeing him in Freaks and Geeks, played the main character Aron. All I can say is I can’t believe he didn’t get Oscar for the absolutely raw performance that hooked you in and wouldn’t let you go for the entire length of the movie. No, not even if you’d have to go pee.

A daredevil. That’s how I’d describe Aron after the movie introduced him, a man that even after falling from a bike at break-neck speed just brushes himself off, picks himself up and laughs it off. Humor and flirting with two lost fellow adventurers is all the more effective as an ominous prelude to the fascinatingly horrendous core of the story.

The moment Aron starts descending, you just feel something’s about go terribly wrong. A giant rock comes loose and tumbles after Aron and as he impacts with the bottom of the narrow chasm, the rock wedges in between the walls, crushing his arm between rock and a hard place.

An insane coincidence is what someone might call it. Aron Ralston considers this to be fate. He says every decision he has made, every breath he has taken, has led him here. Ever since he was born, that rock has been waiting for him to get there.

And this is where the fight for survival begins.

Aron is literally stuck, trapped in a deep, narrow crack in a vast, impenetrable mass of rock with no one around for miles. Nobody knows he’s there and he has limited amount of water and food.

I don’t recall anything making me as grateful I have a bottle of water at hand as this movie has. Sure, everyone knows what it feels like to be thirsty. Imagine running for miles and all you can think of when you close your eyes is the wet, splashing sound of water being poured into a tall glass, little drops of condensation forming on the smooth surface.

Now imagine it magnified by thousand with nothing around to quench the thirst.

It’s very much focused on close-ups, an effective way to pull you in and see every little shadow of emotion pass Aron’s face. Anger, desperation, sadness, insanity, elation, you name it, James Franco nails it with brilliant ease.

As hours trickle by, and any attempt to get loose from the rock’s hold collapses, Aron starts to realize he’s not going to survive this. He records his thoughts on a camera until it too, shuts down. Specters from his past and hallucinations start to eclipse reality more and more often as Aron nears the end of the rope.

That’s when a vision of his unborn son gives him strength to do the unimaginable.

All he has is a knife dulled by chipping away at the rock. And it’s all he can use to free himself. This part isn’t something anyone can handle without getting sick. You’ll cringe and you’ll want to look away as he breaks the bones in his arms and starts to cut through the layer of skin and muscles underneath. At the same time, you can’t.

Just as you won’t be able to stop thinking this has actually happened and Aron Rolston used a two inch knife and pliers to sever his nerves, arteries and tendons. It took him one hour. This man has pushed through the excruciating pain that would render a regular person unconscious because he had something to live for.

And then, just like that, he is free.

He stumbles back as though he can’t believe it’s happened, that he has made it. At that point I don’t think it matters that he has lost his arm. Even with a long way ahead of him to make it to the surface and get help, he didn’t give up. Instead, he did something so unconceivable and incredible I can’t help but admire his will to live.

P.S.: The clips Aron Rolston recorded while he was stuck are online on YouTube. They’re truly amazing to see after watching the movie.

Bella Swan- The female role model for our generation? God help us all

If any of the Twi-Hard fans happens to stumble upon this entry, I am certain they’re ready to bite my head off. Or find where I live and stalk me through the window while I sleep. Yes, there was definitely a tongue-in-cheek insinuation that Edward’s habits may rub off on the Twilight fans.

Now, I’m not here to bash it as both the books and the movies have been tremendously successful and there’s always a reason for that. Also, as any other woman, I happen to like ogling handsome men. And if some of them decide to prance around half-naked, flexing their muscles, then who am I to argue? I even quite liked the first installment—please stop the gasps of outrage—especially due to the music and the general ‘mood’ of it.

What rubs me the wrong way is the main character, Bella. And yes, I do have arguments to support my risqué statement. As previously mentioned, if a guy stares at you while you’re sleeping, that’s not romantic or sweet. That’s just creepy, no matter how good looking the guy in question is.

I could actually even suffer through that if it weren’t for the second installment, New Moon. The longer I watched, the more frustrated I got. All I wanted to do was to slap Bella upside her head as she walked around with moody depression shadowing her every step. And if her moodiness wasn’t enough, she even tried to commit suicide. And no, it wasn’t because someone she loved died or a fire burned her home to the ground. It was because Edward left.

I’m sorry, but the only thing I can say is boo-freaking-hoo. You don’t go and do that if a man leaves, it makes you kind of a psycho. Not to mention the man in question will probably run for the hills, terrified of the extent of your obsession.

Where are female characters that aren’t defined by the man they’re lusting after? Women who are independent and strong, capable of carrying a load of problems on their shoulders without breaking down at the first sign of trouble? Is an emotionally unstable, obsessed with dying, moping around character the role model for our generation?

To say I’m disappointed would be an understatement. I’d like to see a lead female character that isn’t just there to be protected by men but can step up and kick some ass on her own, a woman that is funny, witty and can drink a man under the table with a victorious smile on her face. You may disagree, but in my not at all humble opinion, our TV/movie scene has been missing a good teenage female character for years.

Who is your favorite female character?

The Biggest Wreck I’ve Ever Had the Misfortune of Seeing (aka Dorm Daze)

Some time ago, I’d been traumatized by the true gem of a movie cleverly titled Dorm Daze. Before you pose an obvious question and ask me what it was about- it was about life at a dorm. And confusion born of ceaseless misunderstandings. Needless to say I ended up pretty confused myself as to why would anyone waste money on producing this.

Apparently, life of a university student consists of barging into other people’s rooms, making tired sausage (meaning penis) jokes and trying to sneak in hookers. Being a university student myself, I am deeply offended. I’ve only tried to sneak in a male stripper, and it was just once.

But honestly, I hardly remember all the details as I was sitting on my bed searching the net for pictures of retarded animals (please don’t sue me PETA), so I didn’t pay it too much attention.

The film just happened to be on and I caught glimpses of the sorry excuse of a plot and shallow characterizations. Apparently all college women go prancing around skimpily clad and have enough money to pay for breast implants. Believe me, if you’re a student you’re happy to have enough money to buy a frozen pizza for dinner.

All the characters seemed like the most farfetched stereotypes of young people who are dumber than a rock—yet still miraculously managed to get to college—and their only goal in their bubblegum existences are money and sex.

I don’t remember any names or the exact pacing of the plot (and I use the term loosely) besides the hooker’s name. Now it was either Monique or Dominique but I don’t care enough to look it up. Either way, the hooker was the crucial character - and of course she was French. Just another big cliché the writers decided to slap down on the paper.

Dominique was also the source of a big plot twist at the end which I’m not going to reveal as to not spoil in case you’re feeling suicidal enough to watch this. The only thing I can say is that the so-called twist didn’t make any sense at all.

It seemed as though those responsible felt it would be a total jaw-dropper. Instead I was left shaking my head at the sad effort and complete lack of fluency or humor. And if a comedy doesn’t make you laugh, why the hell would anyone want to watch?

This movie was another train wreck of a movie on a long list of pathetic teenage comedies that is neither amusing nor does it come anywhere close to reality. And if a huge meteor shower rained down from the sky and crushed all the characters, I wouldn’t give a damn. I’d probably cheer the fiery rocks on. But the fact this came out in theatres isn’t actually the most horrifying thing. Apparently, it has a sequel.

What is the worst comedy you've ever seen?